My way of LIVING!

If life isn't confusing enough, there always seems to be a facade covering everyones TRUE character. Why do we have to pretend to be someone where not, i mean, is there any purpose to be living if you can't show your basic colors, emotions? I hate it how I wasted THREE years of my life, trying to become something that i am not, trying to be something just so that i could fit in. Really, are we afraid of being frowned upon by our friends, then they wouldn't be good friends would they? I have hid these emotions a bit too long, and now i know that there is nothing wrong about showing them. I use to suppress the emotions inside, put them aside in the darkest corners of my mind, and just forget. But why? Was it becasue it wasn't STRAIGHT enough for my friends, or was it the realization that inside i am not what i am portrayed as on the out. Uhhh, well i am glad that i am finally set free to be who i want be, do what i want to do, and live a life i want to live.
But it doesn't end there, my parents. YES! THE PARENT! They contradict themselves when they start to talk to me about ME! It seems that they want me to believe that it is okay to be who i am, but then they turn around the conversation and say "I think you should go to the doctor to make sure." I mean if i am not then i will eventually find out, life is to be lived so that we can experince things naturally. My life is meant to be lived and not decided by some psyco therapist! If i do turn out to be not who i think i am then so be it, its not like it will kill me or anything!!! I want to LIVE my LIFE and DWELL in MYSELF and MY FLAWS!

Meaningful Things

Hey guys, yesterday was probably one of those days that you finally feel like you've found someone that understands where you are coming from. It was the best thing in the world, and it was also the very first time we talked for such a long time. It was so fun, and it was what a real conversation was suppose to be like. Time flew by and the next thing i knew, Sharon was calling me on my cell phone telling me to get home to start on my project. LOL yeah, i really enjoyed the conversation, and i hope that we can have more conversations like that.

Wishing

Don't get me wrong, i am not an atheist, nor am i a Christian, but you see i have been wishing or at least praying for something to happen. I can't tell you exactly what it is that i wished for, but i guess i could give you a very vague outline. I wished for that voice you long to hear at the end of every monotonous day, the scent of his cologne as he passes you in the hall, the sight of his unique style as he walks toward you from the other side of the room, the missing presence when he leaves from your side. Watching my pennies spin in circles after circle as it continues its way to the bottom of the wishing well, a pool full of faith, full of hope, and that's when i realized that what i wished for is not meant to be wished. People wish to have better health, why not just eat healthier? People wish to be rich, why not strive to be better in school or work? We tend to wish to want things, but really what is a wish, the miniscule changes that what you want is going to happen on its own? We are suppose to wish for things that we cannot obtain on our own, or at least have no control over, like getting a new liver so that we don't die of liver cancer, or a heart for a heart transplant. I believe that a wish is the fear of the mind to want to do something merley because it is out of the norm, to basically test the human nature of being lazy, of being embarrassed, of being in fear. So at the end of the day, i wish, not to wish anymore, but to take action, to not be in fear of fear itself. To take a bold stance, and carry out what i want, because at the end of the day, all it takes is a little courage and the relentless supression of fear, embarrassment, etc.

What do you feel about my writings, please be truthful?

Love

What is love to me? I think love might as well be the meat in a subway sandwhich, the mochi you put in yogurtland yogurt, the spotlight during a monologue, or even the momentary glances at each other during a passing period. Love, why does it have to be hidden, is it the fear of rejection, or just the embarrasement of knowing the truth. Well for me it's not just this, my life is a risky game, and when it comes down to the bare facts that i'm (well if you know than you know), then it just makes it even harder than it already is. Love is the struggle for an identity, the difference between standing alone and having a shoulder to lay on, the wind that gives flight to my heart so that it isn't left on an empty platform where all the other heart have already taken off. Yes! I would like to be in love, but it's hard when even a bit of strength can't be gathered to ask a single question.

Theatre

I love theatre, i love acting and i love being in front of an audience. Do you really think that theatre is strictly more feminine than art or animation. I mean i believe that it is all the same, it just so happens that a lot more feminine guys would choose theatre over art because of their interest. So now the question is: Is someone behavior directly influencial by their sexuality or masculinity?
Feel free to respond to my question!
I like to hear other people's opionions

High School

I hate it so much, why the heck do we have so much homework and projects, even after we're done with the AP tests. Seriously i know the reason why we were worked so hard before, but now, come'on give me a god damn break. why do i still have to work my butt off. I am hating the remaining days of high school as a junior.